Is It Generosity or People-Pleasing?
Is It Generosity or People-Pleasing? How to Know When Your Giving Is Draining You.
Ever find yourself saying yes when you don’t want to—and calling it generosity?
Giving from overflow and giving from fear feel completely different in your body.
This matters because so many of us—especially women, caregivers, healers—are praised for being selfless.
But here’s the truth: Not all giving is generous. Some giving is a strategy to secure love, safety, or approval.
The danger is—when we can’t tell the difference, we start to confuse depletion with virtue. We give until we’re empty.
And then wonder why we’re resentful, exhausted, or disconnected from ourselves.
What’s Not Working
Here are 3 common myths that keep people stuck in draining, self-sacrificial giving:
“If I don’t give, I’m being selfish.”
→ Actually, honoring your limits is how you stay available for true generosity.“If it’s the right thing to do, it should feel hard.”
→ Not necessarily. Real generosity often feels easeful, even energizing.“I should give because they need me.”
→ Giving based only on someone else’s need, while ignoring your own truth, creates imbalance. And eventually—burnout.
Here’s a Tool You Can Use in Real Time
The Giving Check-In:
Before you say yes, ask yourself:
“Do I feel full right now?”
“Am I giving from desire… or from fear?”
“Would I still say yes if nothing came back in return?”
If the answer energizes you—go for it.
If the answer depletes you—it’s a cue to pause and come home to yourself.
The difference is this: Overflow feels divine. Obligation feels like slow self-abandonment.
Final Reflection
If this resonated with you, I want to invite you into deeper work.
Because you deserve to feel generous and free—not guilty and drained.
I help women untangle the difference between people-pleasing and true connection.
We work on nervous system regulation, boundaries with compassion, and finding your voice—without apology.
If this resonated, I’d love to support you—reach out to me here to schedule a free consultation.
You’re not too much.
You’re just not meant to live in depletion.
Let your giving come from love—not fear.