You’re Allowed to Want Things—Without Guilt

Have you ever caught yourself not asking for something—even though you really wanted it—because it felt like too much?
Today we’re talking about why owning your wants is not selfish, it’s a necessary part of being fully alive.

Here’s the thing, when we frame everything as a need, we start living in survival mode.
We say, “I don’t need that… I’ll be fine.” And sure, you can survive without certain things.
But are you supposed to?
When we only allow ourselves to ask for what we need—we end up shrinking. Self-sacrificing. Settling for the bare minimum.
And the deeper cost?
You start believing that your desires are too much. That unless someone offers it, you shouldn’t ask.

Let’s call out the three most common things that keep people from owning what they want:

1. They equate wanting with being selfish.
   So they filter everything through “Do I really need this?” as if that’s the only way it’s valid.

   *Self Check- if you’re reading this blog and grappling with these questions, being selfish probably isn’t your problem*

2. They wait for someone to offer.
   Because if it wasn’t offered, it must not be okay to want.

3. They confuse being “low maintenance” with being emotionally regulated.
   But there’s a big difference between being grounded… and being disconnected from your own longing. Move into a state of hyperindependence. Maybe a goal is more of a middle ground. Healthy dependence in relationships.

Let me tell you a story that cracked this open for me.

I was walking with a friend one evening, and it was freezing out. About 20 minutes in, I was shivering.
He looked over at me and said, “Wait—are you cold?” I said, “Yeah, kind of.” And he immediately offered me his jacket.
Then he paused and asked, “Why didn’t you just ask for it?”
And I told him—it wouldn’t even occur to me to ask for something someone didn’t offer.
After all… I wasn’t going to die of cold.
And then he said something I’ll never forget:
“Your timidity is more of a choice than a character trait. Just ask for what you want.”

He was right.
I had convinced myself that asking was risky. That wanting made me vulnerable.
But the only thing it was costing me… was connection.

Here’s how to begin owning your wants without guilt:

1. Notice when you downgrade your desires into needs.
   When you catch yourself saying, “It’s fine, I don’t need it,” pause. That might be a want asking for air.

2. Let your desire exist before you edit it.
   Before you ask yourself if it’s too much, or if you’re being dramatic, or if they’ll think it’s weird—let it be a desire. Give it space to exist.

3. Practice saying it simply.
   “I’d love that.”
   “I want to feel closer.”
   “I want to be chosen.”
   That’s it. No apology. No softening. No justification.
   
   Owning your wants is not about getting everything you ask for.
   It’s about giving your aliveness a voice again.

If this resonates with you, stay with me for a moment

So many women I work with have learned how to regulate, how to be chill, how to be accommodating.
But they’ve lost touch with their longing.
And they wonder why things feel flat, or disconnected, or unfulfilling.

This is what I help women reconnect to—your right to want. To ask. To be fully expressed without guilt.

If you’re ready to stop minimizing yourself and start living from a deeper, truer place—reach out to me here to schedule a free consultation.

Because you weren’t meant to just survive.
You’re meant to feel.
And you’re allowed to want what you want.